Following Up…

Preparing to spend (up to) a year abroad is a lot for me. Not only am I a homebody (I had no major complaints about having to quarantine for a year because my home is my sanctuary), but I am extremely close with my family (My dad lives 30 minutes away, my mom 2.5 hours and I talk to my sister damn-near all day, everyday). There’s also just lot of little shit to consider like redirecting mail, pausing bills, prepping my house to be rented…a lot of little shit. On top of all of that, I’ll be living abroad with my man. I’ve lived alone for 13 years. I like my space. But on a more vain level, does this mean I have to shave my legs every other day? I’m laughing as I write this because I can see him rolling his eyes as he reads this. But these are all things swirling around my head with just 21 days to go!

You know what else? A few people are making a big deal out of me taking a sabbatical “for love.” That is only partly true. I am taking a sabbatical because I’m tired as fuck! But the emphasis being that I’m doing this for a man? No. That’s where the pressure sets in.

I love Kwame, no doubt about that. The truth is I’ve had one too many unsuccessful relationships in the past and it sometimes makes me second-guess the happiness I’ve found with him. I shared on Instagram once that, as it relates to my relationship, I was going to stop “foreboding joy,” a term I learned from Brené Brown, which means preparing for the worst even when things are at their best, but you don’t just snap your fingers and have a mindset shift. It’s a muscle that needs building and if you know anything about my on-again-off-again fitness journey… Anyway, what we have is good, it’s actually great when I think about it, but when you’ve been disappointed in love as much as I have, it’s easy to be haunted by the spirit of ex-boyfriends past.

“When we lose our tolerance to be vulnerable, joy becomes foreboding. We try to dress rehearse tragedy so we can beat vulnerability to the punch.”

So, as Brené taught me, you must combat the urge to forebode joy by actively practicing gratitude. Here’s what I’m grateful for in our relationship:

  • Kwame is grounded (I’m a Cancer, this is important)
  • He is a great listener and an engaged conversationalist (I’m never talking to a wall)
  • He isn’t afraid of vulnerability (mine or his)
  • He is just as excited as I am to be in this relationship
  • He doesn’t run from uncomfortable conversations
  • He knows what he wants and has a plan (that includes me in it)
  • He keeps me young (we’re seven years apart)/we have fun
  • He’s smart as hell (science, numbers, critical thinking – reminds me of my dad)
  • “He cute!”

There’s no conclusion to this post, just some random thoughts on a Sunday night. Can you relate? Got *positive* advice?

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